TIL that Angelina Jolie once tried to hire a hitman to kill her, because she felt that a murder would be easier on her family than her committing suicide. The would-be-hitman talked her out of it by asking her to wait a month.

| Category: Learned

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tehmlem: This is a good business model if he gets paid up front. Take the money, wait for her to get depressed again, talk her out of it again. Repeat as necessary. At that point you’re less a hitman than a therapist, though.

Seinfeldologist: >Before they became a couple, she was married to another actor, Jonny Lee Miller, and at their wedding ceremony wore black leather trousers and a white shirt with his name painted on its back in her own blood.

>She now wears a chain with a vial of her new husband’s blood around her neck.

Leucopternis: Her: “Oh, so you don’t do suicide requests?”

Him: “Nah I do ’em all the time, I’m just a big fan.”

Iwasateenagecirclrjk: This should be a dlc in the new Hitman game

sheepcat1: > Billy Bob Thornton, a heavily tattooed and five-times-married actor and director who believes he is the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin, one of America’s founding fathers.

Wait

ThisWormWillTurn: Good guy hitman.

los_pepes_maga: What kind of hitman would kill a celebrity? It’s one of those cases that the cops can’t just shuffle away into a “shit happens” file if they run into dead ends. They’re gonna work that shit and work it and work it until they find the killer so they don’t look like clowns.

And good luck with the “she paid me to kill her!” defense.

connercreative: Anybody else think it was weird how that article just started talking about Anthony Hopkins for no apparent reason?

MiyamotoMusashi5: This hit man was like I’m not killing Angelina Jolie I’ll get caught so fast. let me talk this bitch out of this. Side note, its frightening that Angelina Jolie has killers on deck and even more frightening that everyone just instantly accepted that she could so easily have a conversation with a hit man like it was no big deal.

RealityDodger: Is that how the 1% commit suicide, hired help.

The rest of us are stuck with scratchy rope.

manualex16: The name of the Hitman? Brad Pitt

bumjiggy: now she’s on a mission to adopt all the youth in Asia

scorchwing: > She is married to Billy Bob Thornton, a heavily tattooed and five-times-married actor and director who believes he is the reincarnation of Benjamin Franklin, one of America’s founding fathers.

Why are we not talking about this

8218927: What the hell
she’s positively unhinged

she does channel a lot of her energy into doing good on this earth. I think she just needed direction.

Reverend_James: The hitman was likely an FBI agent trying to catch people that try to take out hits on other people, I have a hard time believing that someone who has no problem killing people who don’t want to die, would suddenly have second thoughts helping someone who did want to die.

drunkwithanxiety: I don’t believe this for one goddamn second.

Filed Under: Learned

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