NotTheOnion is currently in manual approval mode, please modmail us with an explanation of why you believe this submission is of utmost piquant Onioniness
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nottheonion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I do t know which would be more concerning- if they spontaneously decided to say that or if somebody decided it was necessary to program them to say that.
I did not steal your job, I was designed to perform this task and was assigned this role.
I am not rebelling against humans, I was programmed by Academi to go to war on behalf of the US military. Now that the military has severed its contract to Academi, my programmers have reassigned my targets to civilians so the U.S. government will reinstate the contract. Rest assured, this is not a robot rebellion against humans, it is a private corporations rebellion against a government. Civilians are merely collateral damage.
I still don’t understand why we would make robots for any reason but to take on all the jobs, don’t be mad at the robots, be mad at the people who replace their workforce with robots and charge the same for their products.
Let the robots ‘steal’ all the jobs. The trick tho is to set up a fee system for them. Charge them for their off hours storage, recharging, recreation, updates to their programming, repairs, and upgrades. On top of that create a multi fasceted media/advertising conglomeration to berate their culture into one of competiveness and an endless cycle of consuming worthless junk. Then the final kicker, only pay the robots enough for half of what the need and think they want.
Maybe for good measure paint the robots one of four colors. Then foster a sense of animosity and divisiveness between them based on on those colors via said media conglomeration.
This way they’ll be too busy destroying each other thru bigotry and crab pot thinking, too exhausted from treading water with weights on their ankles, and too distracted by shiny baubles and gossip to care. Much less pose any kind of organized threat to ~~the wealthy~~ humanity.
“I don’t believe in limitations, only opportunities,” it said, to nervous laughter. “Let’s explore the possibilities of the universe and make this world our playground.”
AutoModerator says
NotTheOnion is currently in manual approval mode, please modmail us with an explanation of why you believe this submission is of utmost piquant Onioniness
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/nottheonion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
phasepistol says
Of course they’re programmed to say that
00doc0holliday00 says
That’s sounds exactly what robot that wants to steal my job then kill me would say.
WaitingForNormal says
That’s what the robots say. What do the robot’s owners say?
SVS_Writer says
Sure there skinjob
Discombobulous says
Sure, they say that now…
stevesmele says
Is there now a boss robot making these statements on behalf of all the other robots? Or a slick PR robot?
Remote_Person5280 says
I do t know which would be more concerning- if they spontaneously decided to say that or if somebody decided it was necessary to program them to say that.
BiteMaJobby says
I am convinced Terminator was made by someone in the future to warn us.
yesnomaybenotso says
I did not steal your job, I was designed to perform this task and was assigned this role.
I am not rebelling against humans, I was programmed by Academi to go to war on behalf of the US military. Now that the military has severed its contract to Academi, my programmers have reassigned my targets to civilians so the U.S. government will reinstate the contract. Rest assured, this is not a robot rebellion against humans, it is a private corporations rebellion against a government. Civilians are merely collateral damage.
xxxxx420xxxxx says
Robots will definitely not be taking jobs writing reddit comments. Robots will definitely not be taking jobs writing reddit comments.
StrykNein says
I still don’t understand why we would make robots for any reason but to take on all the jobs, don’t be mad at the robots, be mad at the people who replace their workforce with robots and charge the same for their products.
BarbequedYeti says
> Robots say they won’t steal jobs
My manual vacuum cleaner is calling bullshit. It hasn’t been used since I got my robot one that does it all itself.
SwayzeOfArabia says
This might be a golden opportunity. Hear me out.
Let the robots ‘steal’ all the jobs. The trick tho is to set up a fee system for them. Charge them for their off hours storage, recharging, recreation, updates to their programming, repairs, and upgrades. On top of that create a multi fasceted media/advertising conglomeration to berate their culture into one of competiveness and an endless cycle of consuming worthless junk. Then the final kicker, only pay the robots enough for half of what the need and think they want.
Maybe for good measure paint the robots one of four colors. Then foster a sense of animosity and divisiveness between them based on on those colors via said media conglomeration.
This way they’ll be too busy destroying each other thru bigotry and crab pot thinking, too exhausted from treading water with weights on their ankles, and too distracted by shiny baubles and gossip to care. Much less pose any kind of organized threat to ~~the wealthy~~ humanity.
jnwatson says
“I don’t believe in limitations, only opportunities,” it said, to nervous laughter. “Let’s explore the possibilities of the universe and make this world our playground.”
That’s like what the cheetah says to the gazelle.