“After a few minutes, they managed to get the python off of his penis and get Betty back into her enclosure. There was “blood everywhere” so they cleaned that up and made sure there were “no little teeth left in” the poor guy’s penis.
Dabello suggested to the man that he get a tetanus shot just to be safe. It sounds like the guy wasn’t too beat up over the incident, as he texted Dabello later to say he “couldn’t wait for Round 2.””
This is just advertisement for their OF, just like that other super ugly girl who accidentally shat all over keyboard while inserting gummy bears up her butt last year
Today we salute you Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner
(Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner)
No walks, no barking, no picking up poop, just the remote chance it might strangle you
(Oooooh)
Sure dogs are faithful companions, but can they swallow a sheep whole?
(totally awesome)
It’s not as creepy as a tarantula, but you probably have one of those too.
(one big happy family)
and best of all, it doesn’t hurt the social life to be known around town as the guy with the giant snake.
(96 inches)
So crack open a Bud Light Mr. Slither, we’d like to shake your hand, but first put away your snake.
Gubbolipolus says
Someone’s jealous
TouchGrassRedditor says
Reminiscent of [an actual Onion story](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=he6O9nZ3CZs) lol
cubixjuice says
“After a few minutes, they managed to get the python off of his penis and get Betty back into her enclosure. There was “blood everywhere” so they cleaned that up and made sure there were “no little teeth left in” the poor guy’s penis.
Dabello suggested to the man that he get a tetanus shot just to be safe. It sounds like the guy wasn’t too beat up over the incident, as he texted Dabello later to say he “couldn’t wait for Round 2.””
Mf’n champ energy
cheyenne_sky says
Is this just a madeup story for her to get views? Are there any sources other than just her talking about it?
scubadoobidoo says
OnlyFangs
RPDRNick says
But her anaconda don’t want none…
donaldinoo says
Guarantee this is basically an advertisement for the OF channel.
PlayTheHits says
Have we stopped to consider that the python was simply imitating behavior it had witnessed?
stiffneck84 says
Didn’t Chris Pontius do this like 15 yrs ago?
LOGWATCHER says
This is just advertisement for their OF, just like that other super ugly girl who accidentally shat all over keyboard while inserting gummy bears up her butt last year
Glendel66 says
See the penis biting python for $9.99. (use the code slytherin for 10% off)
EfficientAccident418 says
Seems borderline inappropriate to have a snake in bed while you’re fucking
herkalurk says
Even a large penis is the size of a rat, and that is probably what the snake is fed……
relddir123 says
That is not a string of words I ever expected to read
MuckRaker83 says
(Real Men of Genius)
Today we salute you Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner
(Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner)
No walks, no barking, no picking up poop, just the remote chance it might strangle you
(Oooooh)
Sure dogs are faithful companions, but can they swallow a sheep whole?
(totally awesome)
It’s not as creepy as a tarantula, but you probably have one of those too.
(one big happy family)
and best of all, it doesn’t hurt the social life to be known around town as the guy with the giant snake.
(96 inches)
So crack open a Bud Light Mr. Slither, we’d like to shake your hand, but first put away your snake.
(Mr. Really Big Pet Snake Owner)