I’ve been trying to ask more questions about other people and girls I’m interested in but part of me just has issues with caring about what people have to say and when I’m interested in the topic I talk more about myself than anything else.
What are some ways I can be more interested in other people and further my relationships.
attractingmoney: Please take my advice and read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
suckitttrebek: I don’t know if this is helpful, but I went on a few dates where all the guy did was talk about himself and never asked me any questions. At first I thought he was just kinda self centered, but after a while I kinda realized that it was a fear of intimacy. It’s actually more intimate to ask someone personal questions and listen to them share feelings and thoughts. Less so to just talk about yourself, or even just take turns talking about yourselves. Do you maybe think this has something to do with it?
iracundiarock: Try reading a book. Especially one of fiction. In doing this, you can learn to build up your skills of empathy. When you read the book, and you identify as the main character of the book you’re reading, you become better at being interesting in the exploits of another person. Now, not all people are interesting, but everyone has done something interesting in their lives, and the the more you learn how to put yourself “in their shoes”, the more exciting listening becomes. I would say half of the effort is spent finding what makes them interesting, and the other half is learning how to find the interesting and dramatic sides of the mundanity of their lives.
joro1727: If you don’t care what people think and that’s why you have trouble listening then just frame it as “if I listen to these people then they’ll like me more and it will be easier for me to get what I want later (whether that’s help getting a job, advice, or anything really).” So you can stay self centered, just delay the gratification from instantly getting to talk about what you want, to getting what you really want/need later.
de-merteuil: Broadening your own interests might also help. If you’re only into one or two very specific things, it will be hard to talk to people. If you keep up with the news and know a little about all kinds or small things ( tv series, space, physics, knitting, philosophy) it will be easier to find something to connect on and conversations will become more interesting.
FlyingRobin: Most people love talking about themselves, it’s just a matter of listening and asking the right questions to encourage them to continue to talk. Not really hard at all.
Terranoso: Fake it ‘til you make it. Challenge yourself to be a better active listener. Learning the skills of active listening will help you be better with people in general, and it might trick you into being the kind of person you want to be.