My parents are only 50 but I’m started to see wrinkles on them and my mom forgets a lot of stuff and just seeing them get old is really scaring me because I don’t want to lose them or see them in pain from old age and I also don’t want to grow up lol but idk is it just me?
Barb3433: I’m on the other end of it. I’m 69 and worried what the future will mean for my daughter. We’ve always been very close and now, when I can’t do some of the things I used to do or I’m not as quick witted as I once was, I somehow feel like I’m letting her down. I know that’s silly but I feel less worthy somehow. Parents get scared and sad too.
buckeyegal923: I’m 34 and when I allow myself to think about it (which isn’t often) the thought of losing my parents makes me want to curl up and die. My Mom is 61. When she was my age, my Nana was dying of cancer and she spent all her spare time taking care of her. I cannot imagine surviving on this earth without my Mom. I love her SO much. She’s in really great health, but has been experiencing some physical ailments (she got her left hip replaced a few years ago and now needs her right replaced soon). It just doesn’t seem right that my Mom should be needing joints replaced. I still see her as a young lady chasing me around.
GingerBakerCream: I saw a picture of my dad holding me as a baby and realized that he wasn’t always an old man. I realized that he used to be young and now he’s withering away and that made me both scared and sad.
Hmm-NeedsMoreGay: I had the unfortunate experience of seeing my mom reduced to an infantile state. She had a few micro-strokes, and the doctors put a stent in an artery which was largely blocked. The day after her surgery, I went to see her, and she looked at me with absolutely no recognition in her eyes. She couldn’t speak. She was making babbling sounds, like a toddler. She was even mindlessly playing with the medical equipment near her bedside. She was a 66 year old baby.
I had just spoken to her the day before, and she was perfectly fine.
Luckily, she did regain most of her abilities. Her mental faculties returned in about a week or two, and she didn’t even remember her previous behavior.
During her recovery, I had to be her mind, and her hands, and her advocate, and everything else she couldn’t be for herself. As much as it hurt me, I truly appreciated the ability to care for her as diligently and lovingly as she cared for me.
I felt the oddest mix of depression, joy, and gratitude when I sat at her bedside and fed her, when she couldn’t feed herself. I wish I didn’t have to, but I was so honored to have the job.
So I guess my point is, yes it’s scary and sad to watch our parents decline. But it’s also such a gift to be able to take care of them, as they took care of us. You will never love them more than in the moments when you get to return the favor for all they’ve done for you.
sweadle: My parent died at 50.
Wrinkles and forgetfulness aren’t signs of illness and approaching death, they’re signs of age and life.
Seeing them grow old is the greatest gift you will ever get. The alternative is not seeing them grow old.
BoneZoneAlone: Definitely. I think about it pretty much every day. Coping with the inevitability of old age and death is part of being alive. It sucks.
flubbyz: I’m currently 21 and the youngest in my family, making my parents quite old. My dad is 60 and kinda overweight. He’s in really good health but I know that he’s reaching the age where he could just get a heart attack and drop dead, which scares me just enough to want to spend as much time with them as possible. I don’t necessarily fear living without them, I moved out already and can handle myself perfectly fine. But I do fear the feeling of not having spent enough time with them, so I still go back almost every single weekend.
MedRogue: Fuck, my parents are latino and have never drank tap water. Always from refillable 5gallon jugs from reverse osmosis stores.
Last christmas I came back to see they had left the usually 3 in the garage, and when I asked my mama why she said “They were to heavy, we were waiting for you to come back jaja”
I legit started crying. They’re definitely growing weaker, and it’s putting some serious pressure on me to do well in skool and not fuck up.
arup02: I’m 21 and my mom is 70, my father died when I was 7, he was 65.
Fucking tell me about it, shit terrifies me.
rootberryfloat: My parents are in their late sixties. I’ve always viewed my dad as an eternal 40 who just never stops, always up for a bike ride, a road trip, a hike, a weekend camping, but the last couple of years he’s really slowed down and it makes me so sad.
resting_dickface: My mom died this year at 82, she declined really quickly so it was awful to see her go that way. I recommend long term care insurance for anyone’s aging parents.
blastzone24: God this is me right now. The holidays have been tough because both sets of grandparents are receding fast and my dad, who has always been able to fix or do anything, had had a couple surgeries. He keeps making jokes but I can tell it scares the hell out of him. There’s nothing I can do about it.
sun_flower_seeds: Yes, my parents are 50 also. My dad has always played baseball, and he’s starting to come home limping and hurting all week from one game on Sundays, and it makes me so sad. Its going to break my heart when he can’t play anymore.
Christ-Centered: Both my moms (biological and step who raised me) died when they weren’t even old yet (in their 50’s). Keep in touch with your parents, kids.
EddieMurphyFellOff: I’d rather watch them grow old than die before they get a chance to enjoy retirement. My mom died when she was 50 so she didn’t get to meet any of her grandkids or meet my wife. I’m pretty stoked that my dad is now enjoying retirement and spending time with grandkids. Enjoy your time with them while they are here and be sure they know how much you appreciate all they’ve done for you.
mynameisalso: My father was a US marine recon. He was literary one of the first Americans in Vietnam and carried an m60 every day. His job was to clear out land for landing strips. But now he gets worked up if we return a sandwich.
He is afraid of so much right now. I don’t get it.
When I was 16 in wrestling he could drop me or any buddy like a ton of bricks. But now he is just afraid returning a sandwich to a delivery service will result in retaliation. I don’t really get it. I think he lost confidence in himself. He should not have. He is still an ox and can shoot with the best of them.
loveandsubmit: Yes it happens. Your mom ought to have a cognitive screening done, soon.
exotics: I am over 50 myself. I have watched my father die. My mom is in her 70’s but still living in her house, and living a pretty good life. She still travels and does things. I know personally I forget stuff, lol, not serious, it’s part of menopause I am told. I’m not too wrinkly (smoking and lots of tanning can make that worse).
Yup.. it’s scary, and sad.. it’s also totally normal.
authoritative-figure: My Mom is 47 and my Dad is 53, in May my Dad had multiple heart attacks and by luck, a good doctor, and him being with a family friend whos a register nurse that day, he survived. It’s been 7 months and he hasn’t made any changes.
2 weeks before he had his heart attacks my Grandma suddenly passed from a heart attack. It’s something that I try not to think about but it is a really scary thought. Imagine if my mom had lost her mom and husband in the same month. I have two young daughters and am an only child, my parents have a great relationship with them, how would have I explained that to my kids. I hope that he can be here for a long time still.
metalclassicrock123: Yeah my mom (57) recently stopped dyeing her hair. I didn’t realize she’d gone fully gray. Also my dad (50) hurt his shoulder a long time ago and it still acts up 🙁
S0ny666: With one parent dead, I can tell you that old and wrinkly is better than the alternative. My mum is 66 (I was about to write 64, how time flies) and is definitely getting slower and forgetting stuff. I’m not scared or sad, just try to enjoy time with them.
forbiddenway: Yes, it is scary and sad. Very much so. Many people feel this way but don’t talk about it because it’s so unpleasant and uncomfortable and heartbreaking. But we are all going through it together. And someday we’ll get old too. 🙁
FishFollower74: My mom is 80 and has severe dementia. My father in law is 82 with dementia, and my mother in law is 78 and is stage 4 win a form of blood cancer. Yeah it’s sad, and it sucks. Because I love them and I know they will be gone soon…and because I also know that this will be me in 30 years, which goes by in the blink of an eye.
The only good I find in all this – life is incredibly beautiful and rich and enjoyable because it’s so fragile.
kashif_: Death is a reailty everyone will face all your loved ones
You can choose to be scared and think about all the bad things that happen with ageing or you can enjoy your time with them and think of all the positive
It’s your decision what you choose to think about good or bad
adalab: More sad my dad never got to be old 🙁
Eighty6to7Teen: I’m 37 and I don’t know my parents actual ages. It’s something I never wanted to keep track of because of this exact reason.
DJ_Molten_Lava: My mom can hardly walk and every time she eats anything other than crackers her stomach gets upset and she near shits herself. In fact, she has shit herself in public before. She’s 64. But that’s what a lifetime of being obese and hardly getting any exercise will do to you.
All that said she’s making an effort now to get moving more often (riding a stationary bike) but yeah, it’s kind of scary I guess.
pjsans: Yes. My great-Grand parents are still alive. So I can see three generations to observe. My great-grandfather was one of the most hard-working and independent people I know. We just had to put him and my great-Grand mother in a nursing home (mutual choice, not forced into it) this week. It is heart-breaking.
My father and grandfather have never been very healthy, so I worry about them, and I get nervous for myself. My parents had me in highschool so my dad is only 17 years older than me.
However, it’s been good in the sense I’ve taken some small steps now to avoid big changes and dangers later.
danielrwood11: My dad has terminal cancer, he’s getting old and losing hair from chemo. It’s tough.
Thankfully, my mum holds everything together.
PeachFoam: I can’t speak for everyone, obviously, but my personal experience is that that feeling of absolute dread has gotten a little better as I’ve established my own career, moved out of the house, and started my own adult life. I’m paying bills, making an income, and making decisions for myself. It feels great and although I still love my mom dearly and she is my favorite person on the planet, I now at least have the confidence that I can carry on and live my life without her- which I honestly did NOT feel when I was still living with her.
I don’t know what stage of life you’re at, but maybe this will apply to you as well. That fear doesn’t completely go away, but it gets much less.. “crippling.”
the_awkward_turtle_: All the time. My parents had me in their mid-40s so they’ve always been older than my friend’s parents. I always thought it wasn’t fair that I’d get less time with my amazing parents than my friends would get with theirs. I worry about them every day, I love them so much.
KCalifornia19: My parents are 54 and 63 and I’m having the same problem.
GeneralDisorder: My parents are both pretty old. I was the youngest cousin. Never met any of my grandparents. My mom was 39 when I was born. My dad was 48.
My dad has been talking about dying for as long as he’s been married and they got married 8 years before I was born.
That said, I’ve had the existential dread that comes with worrying about aging and death. My parents were I think both second youngest in their families. I’ve lost one uncle and two or three aunts on my mom’s side and four uncles and three aunts on my dad’s side.
My dad’s doing rather well for someone who’s 81. He had cancerous tumors removed about 7 years ago and the doctors said “you’re gonna have to stop firefighting”. He hasn’t stopped. He doesn’t help with hose lines anymore or wear airpacks but he still does fireman training and helps clean up equipment after a call.
It’s downright amazing. Both of my parents are the oldest of any parents in my circle of friends from high school and I think the majority of them have lost a parent since high school.
My mom was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in the mid 90s. Historically, that sort of autoimmune disorder is degenerative and life threatening. She’s 72 and while she walks with a cane sometimes she still walks and drives and lives a fairly active lifestyle. She’s only recently had to stop volunteering at the church and take a less active role in the weekly worship service.
I sincerely never expected them to live long enough to have grandkids and they have two granddaughters now. (Unless my sister decides to completely change her life I think two is a hard limit)
Aging sucks. Death is a bitch but sometimes life has a way of surprising you. It’s not always a bad surprise either. 50 is pretty young in the grand scheme of things.
the3dtom: Of course it’s not only you…
TRTBrandonSchaub: Good bye mental faculties, hello dementia.
Sucks especially much because I have a feeling that she will just miss out on some medical breakthrough
Buwaro: Not my parents, yet, but my grandfather celebrated his 90th birthday this past summer and we had the whole family together for the first time in 10 years. My uncle joked, “I can’t wait to do this in another 10 years.” and my grandpa instantly responded “oh, I don’t want to live that long.”
I was honestly shocked by it.
DorianGreysPortrait: Reminds me of a quote I read once, something like.. “We are so concerned with ourselves getting older, we forget our parents are getting old.” I’m not even in my 30s yet and it terrifies me.
PM_ME_UR_HAIR_COLOR: I used to… but I realized there’s no point in being sad. I had the best upbringing, the best support, the best parents anyone could ask for. So, why be sad?? I love them for everything they’ve ever done for me. Time goes by. People pass away. Tis life
dunjot: In the entire universe, and all of human history, there is only one boy who stays young forever, and never grows up. The only thing about him that gets old is that people keep making more movies about him, and those movies start to get old.
pfftiful: I started bawling my eyes out and had a panic attack the other day bc I had the intrusive thought, “There will come a time when I won’t hear the funny way my mom says certain words.”
Blu64: Our kids grow up, and we grow old and die. As sad as that can be, it is what it is. At least for now. I lost my dad back in 98, and my mom is going to be 85 in a few months. I try and spend as much time as I can with her, and include her in my life. I also try and get her to talk about what her life was like back when she was young, it’s really cool to hear what it was like as a kid during WW2 and all the other cool things she’s done. Plus I think it makes her happy to know that someone is still interested in the life that her and my dad lived. I love her and respect her so much, I just try and make sure she knows that.
nicgeorgie: I think about that often, and almost treat it as a survival tactic thinking “what will it do if XYZ what’s my plan how will I handle it”
Although my parents are 56 and 49 I feel worse for my husband.
His parents are in their mid 60s I can’t remember their exact age but somehow it seemed almost overnight they both went from quick witted smart asses to slow and… idk how else to explain it but just overall elderly.
I mean ffs his dad was fascinated and surprised by how when they drive by a house earlier the car was parked in position A and when they drove by it later it was parked in position B.. actually said out loud that he wondered if they had two of the same car..
The difference maybe took two years tops
Cherish your parents..
SrTNick: My mother actually had a small stroke about 3 days ago. My dad woke me up to tell me he was driving her to the hospital. Nothing terrifying, she was just really dizzy, tired, and slurred her speech. The fact of her mortality *really* hit me though.
OgreSpider: That’s very normal. Part of adulthood is recognizing mortality, and you’re usually confronted with the mortality of your grandparents first, then your parents. Most people are much less dependent on their grandparents, and see them less, so it doesn’t hit in quite the same way. When you’re a kid your parents seem all-powerful, and you have to gradually come to the realization that they’re not, they’re people like you. And that’s okay. Maybe it will help to realize that contrary to a lot of fiction, or the beliefs of some ancient peoples, in our world now there’s no magic moment when you become a grownup. You can just gradually start learning how to do things for yourself, and by the time you’re left without Mom and Dad to take care of you you’ll be used to it and it won’t be so hard.
Not that losing your parents will ever not be hard. It is for everyone. No one can really tell you how to deal with that other than all of the usual grief counseling solutions (which are not necessarily bad).
Raiz3R: I’m in my early 40s. Parents are both in their late 60s. Mom has had a stroke too. Strange thing is. You tend to tread lightly now when you visit them.
No more arguments or banter etc. I always go over there with a positive attitude and cheer them up. As opposed to going over there with a negative attitude and bitching about my life etc.
Their too old to hear that shit. Unlike my piece of shit sister. She’s almost 50 and still burdens them. Pisses me off. Let them live in peace for Christ sake.