This is what happiness physically looks like. A myosin protein dragging an endorphin along a filament to the inner part of the brain’s parietal cortex which creates happiness.
A Handful of Happiness
10ioio: As an exercise: Do something you enjoy alone (see a movie, walk through a forest, go to an amusement park) and then don’t tell anyone about it.
All the joy you experience will be your own, and is yours to keep.
GreyKnight91: Disclaimer. I’m a psychologist so what follows isn’t service but my own advice gleaned through my education and experience.
Go buy “The Happiness Trap.”
Be content (different from happy) with who you consistently try to be (i.e. with the values you try to achieve). If you don’t consistently strive for them, do so. If you don’t know what they are, learn them.
Realize that you control what you value and how much you try to live up to them. You do not control what you get to appreciate. I value being an honest husband and appreciate my wife’s honesty and relationship with me. I ultimately do not get to control if she is faithful or really anything she brings to the relationship. I can only truly control what I do. Find contentment, *satisfaction* in that. Not others. Appreciate others and things outside of yourself. But do not confuse it with the satisfaction of yourself.
Cullective: Disclaimer: Take my advice with a grain of salt because I’m young and dumb.
I don’t think happiness exists. You get fleeting moments of joy and then it passes. Work for contentment. Put yourself in a place where you know joy may come. Appreciate it when it does.
If you strive for a constant state of happiness you will be disappointed. If you really appreciate those moments of joy then I think you’re winning the long uphill fight that is life.
Jrockburn13: Meditate. Pick up a book on mindfulness or meditation and start to practice. MBSR from Jon kabat Zinn can be found free online just by googling (mobile or I’d link) that will teach you from the ground up and expose you to a lot of different stuff. Also mindfulness in plain English and books of that sort will be helpful.
Clemenadeee: Imma leave this here:
Maybe it’ll help you out some!
audioslavegirl1: Set a small personal goal (finish a book, take an online class, exercise a few days a week, etc.). Once you get a small sense of accomplishment, it will make you feel better about yourself. You’ll be amazed at what you can do!
Applesauce1094: My long term girlfriend recently broke up with me and I’ve been devasted. For years I thought this person was going to be someone I would spend the rest of my life with and the thought of being with her, and working on bettering our lives as a team,made me so happy. The breakup happened right around Halloween and happened rather abruptly and I still haven’t been able to recover. We were in a long distance relationship and immediately after getting off the facetime call that was the end of our relationship she began treating me like I was an aquaintance. We didn’t communicate at all and the few times we texted, she was logistical, clinical, and gave no hint that we had been together for three years in her responses and correspondence. I know it’s probably easier in the long run that way but her acting like the connection we had never existed really hurts. Christmas has been especially hard. I need to figure out how to focus inward because right now I’m clinging desperately to something that is no longer there.
The_Royal_One: I’ve been the same way in the past. I think that what’s helped in my case is having goals for myself and betterment for my future. Then, I work really hard to accomplish those goals, which requires a bit of alone time. With each success, I give myself gratitude. So You’re not only growing, but you’re positively affirming your own self-value!
Biomimetic_Seraph: There are many paths to happiness. I think you have to try different avenues to determine what resonates with you the most. Here are some therapy methods & self-help books to explore.
*You can start to build confidence by improving your skills in general.
*Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
Books to read:
*Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
*The War of Art Steven Pressfield
*The Subtle Art of Not Giviing a F*ck by Mark Manson
*You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
*You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
*Mirror Work by Louise Hay
*Loving What Is by Byron Katie
You have so much energy and potential. At least some portion of this is currently being spent thinking about how unhappy you are. Instead, you can use that same energy to get to know yourself. What are your needs, weaknesses, strengths, interests? Pursue what is important to you and improve upon any weaknesses you may have. It’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking that we are not perfect in this social media era. Remember, happiness is a journey.
panda-slap: It’s easy if you’re an introvert. But if you aren’t then I would find a cause…homeless shelter, literacy, etc. I know it sounds canned but it really does make you consider something outside your own head. Could be a start anyway.
Failuresandtrials: This is my exact issue, wow I was going on this sub to make a post about it. I thrive off other people in order to feel fulfilled in my own life. I want to find inner happiness on my own, as well.
EmmaLiammE: I thought the same a while ago, especially during a relationship, then I found out I don’t need other people to be happy within myself when I was recovering from the breakup.
Here is how I did it:
I dug into my soul and found out what I really wanted and what I truly valued, not what other people expected of me. Then I spent a lot of time being alone, just to be best friends with myself. I took her to dinner, did stuff with her that I always wanted to do.
I learned how to control my emotions, to not let it be influenced by other people or what other people think of me. This was hard. But I found it easier to do it when I let go of my ego, because I realized it had something to do with my actions sometimes. Gradually along the way, I found myself more peaceful. Even though other people still had an impact on how I feel, the proportion is much less.
Generally, just accept who you are and learn to gain peace with yourself!
SUCKER_M: Just don’t give a fuck about what people say and feel whenever you are doing anything. Sometimes to live upto someone else’s expectations, we stop having our own.
Be proud who you are. Even when it sounds cornering.
What I do is I don’t give a damn to all those shit guys? If I have to do anything I will do it come what may, If I have to say anything I would just say that. i try to be as honest as possible. People will try to avoid connecting with you in the beginning but soon they will comeback, when they will accept who you are. You know that’s when it feels great!! When you get respected for being who you are and for not being that nobody guy for someone, to make them feel happy.
Once you will start doing this, your self respect will increase and you would definitely stop living on someone else’s terms and conditions to make them happy.
TEENROBOT: The first step is awareness…now its time for recovery. Learn to love yourself by exercising Self-control. You can’t love yourself if you got no self esteem..Self esteem is a direct result from doing what is right aka self control….Isolation is therapeutic, take some time off from society and going out and really get to know yourself.
connozac: Like with most thinks happiness is not a destination but a journey. It’s impossible to always be happy but you can be content with your current situation. You will always feel high and low but that’s normal it’s just about enjoying who you are and striving to become a better person each day.
ice_cream_on_pizza: Be selfish for selfless reasons.
Be selfless for selfish reasons.
james-iglesias: Practice Buddhism
sprafa: You have to be more specific. You might be codependent
rhiw0707: I see other people are suggesting a hobby. I think that would be awesome, could you look into local
Classes or workshops to maybe try a variety of things at first?
flammable_kapusta: Try kabbalah.
itchy136: So my sister is exactly like this and it drove me crazy how she couldn’t do anything alone and enjoy it. I have to agree doing things alone you enjoy is a huge helper. Also really look at yourself personally. Ask yourself why can’t I be alone and have fun? Also ask yourself what are you enjoying about the people? If you just love people around you (I do) there’s nothing wrong with that. But if your doing it to feel better about yourself then maybe it is an issue. I love people around me because I get lost in my own thoughts sometimes. After a while I want to experience the world with just my own mind so nothing is biased to another person’s thoughts.
turkeyworm: May I ask what helped you realize this?
Who_Decided: Happiness is a temporary condition. Don’t try to make it last in the sense that you do this one weird trick and you’re happy for a month (although such a trick does exist). Try to make it last by finding pockets of happiness throughout your day, each day. Fill your day with things that trigger happy memories and happy feelings. Eat things that make you happy. Drink things that make you happy. Wear things that make you happy. And be present. Notice the things that make you happy, often.
If you do all that, you’ll ‘be’ happy.
*Or you can periodically down magic mushrooms.*
donkeyape66: The irony.
Citadel_CRA: Master a skill
roflator: Read Epictet, Seneca und Marcus Aurelius und understand what they are talking about. Also: Rousseau und Hermann Hesse.
Berntusxdus: It’s important to not isolate one self in the process of becoming “independent”
Freenanigans: Have you ever looked into the Enneagram? It is an old personality typing system, and it has helped me to understand myself and how I relate to others better than any other, like freakishly accurate. There are free tests online to see what type you are, and then you can read a little more into why you are the way you are. (To me, it sounds like you might be a 2.)
Minervon: Stop caring about anything. Just realize that loving somebody can only lead to hate, be that your family or soulmate, friends, it doesn’t matter. I am not saying don’t love but respect everyone the same and don’t give a shit anyones problems or even your problems. In the end it really doesn’t matter that much you don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Also another big thing, don’t ever be ambitious trust me i learned the hard way, but then i stopped carring and pulled myself out od depression which is amazing.
Happiness Frequency – Serotonin, Dopamine and Endorphin Release Music, Binaural Beats Relaxing Music